Soul Journey Guidance

The devil will give you the rope and he will extend it for years and years, allowing yourself to intertwine, your heart, mind and soul into everything that is cumbersome. The devil will allow you to dip not just one toe, but your whole foot in with one toe at a time. Getting into every nook and cranny of your inner darkness the parts of you that are addictive and feel and taste the pleasure that feels so good you didn’t know ever could.

Immerse yourself fully in the devil and he will NOT say no, yet, he will just allow you to do as you wish. You alone will agree to the darker parts of yourself and allow yourself to noose the rope a little more over time, over and over again.

Remember the devil will not hang you because he is you. Have you taken a look in the mirror to see your inner most darkness? OR have you looked away and allowed self to become entangled?

So in the end it is your own devil and darkness that kills you. Either in the physical or the spiritual whelms.

We need to remember that we hang ourselves with everything that we have done to ourselves. God will always send you a reminder of the path of the choices that you make and which way you want to go? Do you want to go this way or do you go that way?

Some don’t look at the road a head as a choice yet as a road to travel on. however the good or bad has challenges all along them. Do you dive deeper in your light or deeper in your dark?

Some of us stay where it feels comfortable even though we see that it is killing us from the inside out. Some of us stay in situations that are so hell bound yet the thought of society looking at you for you doing what you need to do for you is what keeps you bound and in hell.

Playing with the light and dark is like playing devils advocate sometimes God will throw a wild card in the mix because he wants to see are you ready for your level up. God and the devil or not enemies yet they play a very well thought out chess game with each person that is here on earth allowing them to make those choices.

Daily we are given the choice, role out of bed and live the day. or wake up with intention and get ready to take on the day. We each have habits and addictions that range wildly from gambling, porn, spending to much, eating to much, hell even sleeping and working out to much can be a negative in pact.

Your choices are yours, no one elses unless you allow others to live your life for you!

Do you drink today or smoke. Do you have meaningless bodies and fuck or learn to stay celibate and learn more about you and your needs. Do hit the bars and clubs, or hang out with friends and family daily that no longer are for your highest good or do you stay home get a new hobby and learn how to cultivate new connections for your growth?

Do you stay at a job that you feel suffocated in not growing at all or do you stay there keep your mouth shut and educate yourself to win and level up elsewhere . Do you stay in a marriage or relationship that you feel dead inside both now growing on any level because both of you are not growing together anymore or walk away and be single and level up to be a better you for your partner or next relationship?

Who do you become when you’re faced with the mirror in front of you?How do you see you? CAn you even look into your own eyes and be authentic to yourself about where you are? Where you want to go and what it will take to get there?

Asking, I am not ready to look at that person that woman that man and I need to look deep within and make those changes or do you stare at yourself fear and all hate and all love and all tears running down your face crying because you know you have to make the changes that you need to make and you face it.

Which path do you take? Remember, neither path is bad. Pleasure seeking is wonderful! Being an awaken individual is too, however both paths bring, a pain that each one knows so well, so where do you go? Which way do you take?

I always tell people you have two paths in this life no matter which path you take you will always get to the destination. However, what lesson are you willing to take on to get there?

Story time: I know somebody close to me, have known them all my life. I have watched them grow and battle their demons and seen the devil on their shoulder and God on the other. They too are an empath.

Their final step into who they are and their awaken spirit side had them with the devil’s rope gripping them so tightly that even though they felt so comfortable and yet that almost made them die.

Like I said the devil will allow you to hang yourself and God will always show you a way out. It is up to you to pick which path you wanna go down?

This individual that I know was tested four different times for this last test. Living on the streets and going through drug addiction he once had a heart attack in the middle of the sidewalk. I remember when he told me that he was collapsing, everybody was walking past him. No one stopping to check on him because he looked dirty and dingy and like a drug addict. Well for one he was homeless. And two He was strung out.

This was his last test before the devil allowed him to kill himself. His rope was a long one. I would say well over 20 years of this life path. God tested him over and over yes! show cased him many roads yet this one felt so good and comfy. Tired he was and sick yes but felt so strange the moment he stepped into the light and out of the shadow self.

This person was tested throughout life, but this is where God finally said are you done? I will take your life if you are not because I cannot see my son continue living like the way he is living.

After the first heart attack he then was tested yet two more times and ended up in the hospital each one a heart attack so he decided stopped doing the speed drugs, and just went back to heroin.

He felt that if he stuck with that, maybe he wouldn’t die, but he was tested one more time and at this time. At this time I hadn’t heard from him in years. I had moved away from the city and didn’t know anything what was going on with him. More then 3 hours away from Portland. I then received a message from someone on Facebook. ( Hi, this is nurse Nancy at the OHSU hospital in Portland and Im here with Bob) I was in shock and didn’t know what to think?

I quickly phoned the hospital and spoke with the nurse. Over the years I have helped this individual in and out of prison in and out of jail in and out of homelessness and even watch them almost die because of their coming off of addictions. Fighting with them going to toe because I love this person so much. But there was a fight we had that made me close the door on them. However, back to the hospital, this individual had taken one last shot of heroin. He shot himself up with heroin in his arm, but it was in a bad place.

He said he ended up collapsing, and was woken up by the police, trying to remove and going to arrest him for a crime that happen not to far from his location, however they knew him by his name his street name and because of this and how he was passed out they knew he really needed to go to the hospital.

That last shot of heroin in his arm kept him in the hospital because he has septic in his blood, they were about to amputate his arm, and he came out from his stoop or his mindless coma and yelled at them, do not cut off my arm! That was his last plea to God. Please don’t take my limb away and so they didn’t and they were able to assist him.

I got another phone call, asking, please can I come home? I knew the battle was going to be a big one this time. I took had a choice, take the path and keep the door closed or take him in and try another time. I had spent years watching this individual get clean again while getting sick on my couch. Him and I fighting. So It’s not an new story. It’s just another chapter of trying to assist somebody in Healing.

The hospital paid for a cab to have him drove to my house. 4 hours later and at my door he was. Not only were we working with the arm healing, this want a small cut, his arm was cut into massively. We had to clean it and watch him. He also was coming off heroin, and the doctors game him suboxone. This drug is just as bad as the drug heroin. So we played it smart and half the doses so he wouldn’t get addicted to that.

Things got pretty bad to where he went to to toe with me and My Son stepped in the middle, and when I saw the eyes turn black and felt the, the anger I knew I wouldn’t be able to help anymore. I said you cannot stay here because now you have stepped up to one of my children.

He was adamant of staying and did not want to leave. He was codependent on me and I knew if he didn’t leave things would just keep getting worse. So I said I will call the police please don’t make me do this. I cannot have you here you’re not safe. My hand was forced. so I proceeded to make the call and the police.

They came and they looked at me and chatted with me and they chatted with him. The police said we can’t do anything, there was no physical altercation so, legally you cannot kick him out. I was so angry, my rage and my love all coming up in emotions at the same time. All I could do was allow the tears just rolled down my face, my composure I am trying to hold on to so I don’t get myself arrested. One of the cops looks at me and said, you need to just have love in your heart and allow him to stay and be there for him while he is going through this. Him not knowing the years I have.

I looked out the door angry at him putting me in this position yet remembering I made the choice and this is the path Im now on. The dark part of me just wanted to beat his ass. Knowing though my brother could just snap me in two. I still would have tried. The light part in me wanting to love the little boy that had such a terrible up bringing. I was at the fork in the road? Which way do I go?

I looked at the cop in front of me as he stood in my doorway and I said fuck you. I know what you are thinking, lies! Who would ever do that WEll someone who isn’t afraid of much. So I continued to cry while causing him out, fuck you for telling me what I need to do. Fuck you because you don’t know what I have done over the years. Fuck you for telling me to keep him there. I looked dead in the eyes of this cops eyes and said you and no one will make me do this and he will not be staying here and leaving today.

I payed for a bus ticket. greyhound, $80.00 one way back to the valley. I was crying because I had to send my little brother down the road.

We Didn’t speak for a couple years as he was upset that I had kicked him out. However in time things healed. WE would pass along messages through our mother checking in on one another. I took was still upset with him and didn’t want to hear his voice. But one day after two years , we had a beer and a smoke and a good cry and a laugh and reconnected.

He had told me all about his new chapter and the journey he forced to go on. He said that was the best thing I ever did for him. He said it made him face himself in the mirror and see what he was doing and how he was hurting himself and those he loved.

He was able to take a step back and see the areas I was there for him and it made him be the man that he needed to be when I shut the door.

Lets jump many years, He is now clean and sober and has been for a long time. He has his own battles but he chooses a road where he can continue growing slowly and now we have a loving relationship where I don’t have to worry about if he is dead or in jail or using.

The journey we have in the short life is an amazing one. I always say get to know the dark and the light the devil and the god with in you.

This story wasn’t just about the path that my brother had to take this also was about the path that I had to take as a woman as a mother as a sister as a person and has a spiritual healer. It’s not easy to make choices that bring about pain that eventually will end up helping and healing others even yourself. 

The devil will allow you to kill yourself he isn’t the one doing it and God will show you a way out if your ready to take that road.

Safe travels